Wednesday, August 24, 2011

On My Trail

Here are the words I've been reading today, the pictures I've seen, that have impressed me. There is a vast disparity in the subject matter, and that's me. I'm rarely focused on only one thing at a time.

Sally Clarkson's post My Sweet Mama Is Now Gone From Me Forever is a precious reminder that being a mama is all about giving life. We give life not simply by giving birth, in fact that is the easy part. A good mama gives life to her children until the day she dies. I read with tears, feeling inadequate for this calling, especially when I consider yesterday.

Yesterday Arden's behavior was on a downward spiral. I think he was having a hard time adjusting to the school schedule. Things weren't going his way. He wasn't going our way. We battled it out all afternoon. I was reduced to being the kind of mother I don't want to be: the angry, yelling, exhausted, mopey mother. Bryan put him in the tub after dinner. I made my way upstairs determined to have a few sweet minutes with him before bed. A few minutes to wash him, brush his teeth, cuddle him, read him a Bible story, enjoy some smiles, a few kisses and remember that everything was alright.

"Hey mom, want to see something?" In retrospect, yes was the wrong answer. But I had said yes, and saw the tidal wave rush up the back side of the claw foot tub and gush onto the floor. The most gracious response I could summon was to walk away.

By God's grace I have another opportunity today to be a life-giving mother to my children.

And  now for the disconnect: I discovered Michael Yon. I have a secret, though not-so-secret anymore, fascination with war. I come from a family of peace-niks (nobody is allowed to mention this to mom!). My husband, though he supports some military engagements, is a man of peace. The subject is in discord with my own personality, but I can't help myself, I'm fascinated. And so, I bookmarked Michael Yon. The dispatch Tracer Burnout drew me in, and captivated me. There are not only US troops, and Afghan troops, but an entire civilian population in desperate need of our prayers and the grace of God.

Life. Eternal life, bubbling over from the wells of salvation, is a universal need.

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