Monday I was pleased, but now I have to tell you, it turns ugly.
Monday I paged ahead and discovered gratefulness in the Mary Challenges at the end of the week. No problem, I thought. I have for years now used some of the time I'm folding clothes to thank God for the clothes, or the wearers, or the people who gave them to our family. Monday I had my blog post half written.
Today ungratefulness reared its ugly head. My brother left this morning and this evening we were expecting another house guest - one who might stay awhile, one who might need the space in the guestroom closet. Our day was full of useful labor. Somewhere in the midst of all that labor, I started feeling sorry for myself. I started worrying about the leaky pipe that may cost thousands to repair. I despised the worn towels I was folding, scorned the frayed tennis shoe lace, hated the old faucet. We've prayed long about opportunities for hospitality, and God is answering, but this does feel like inconvenient timing. Couldn't He have timed it better?
Are you like me? The more time I spent dwelling on how much I'd like to change my circumstances, how unhappy I was, how discontent, the longer my list of gripes grew. My list grew rather lengthy. I thought of Colossians 2:6-7,
As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord so walk in Him,
having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him,
and established in your faith, just as you were instructed,
and overflowing with gratitude.
God wants to see my heart overflowing with gratitude. Gratitude spilling over the top, running down the sides, spilling below in a pool, and still there's more.
Oh my dear friend, I know exactly what you're talking about. Battling self-pity is a never-ending fight for me. Having made a point of PRACTICING gratitude ~ to the extent that I literally sit down three times a day (EVERY day!) and write down 5 things I'm thankful for ~ I think it's definitely improving, but that's still always my 'default mode.'
ReplyDeleteGod's timing is always best and I believe this opportunity for hospitality will end up being a blessing, despite your concerns! God is so good.